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| Mexican students perform 'El violador eres tu' (The rapist is you) during a demonstration on March 5 against gender violence and patriarchy at the Jesuit University of Guadalajara as part of the run-up to International Women's Day on March 8. (Photo: AFP) |
"I accept it as a logical consequence when my husband beats me up for making mistakes" — this may sound harrowingly shocking to sane men and women but it is what many married women in Bangladesh believe, according to a recent national study.
About 25 percent of wives consider beatings by their husbands logical for making trivial mistakes or trying to exercise their rights, such as by leaving the house without the husband's permission, failing to take care of children properly, arguing with her husband, cooking badly and disagreeing to sexual intercourse, according to a 2019 study by Bangladesh Bureau of Statistics (BBS).
Whether the study reflects reality can be a topic for debate but it is well known that Bangladesh has one of the highest rates of domestic violence. A BBS study in 2013 found that more than 80 percent of married women face physical and mental abuse by husbands and in-laws in their lifetime.
Domestic abuse is a very common form of violence against women all over the world. After rape and sexual assaults, domestic violence is another major driver that results in up to 35 percent of women facing various forms of violence globally in their lifetime, according to UN Women.
When it comes to largely conservative and male-dominated societies in regions such as South Asia and much of Africa, violence against women is a common and tragic everyday reality.
This reality is shocking and deplorable in an age of extraordinary scientific, technological and democratic advancement, especially when we take great pride in claiming that women have come a long way in terms of dignity, rights and empowerment.
As the world prepares to celebrate International Women's Day on March 8, it is true there are many signs of female advancement in today's world.
Even in patriarchal and conservative Bangladesh, two women have held the post of prime minister since 1991. Current PM Sheikh Hasina of the ruling Awami League, in power since 2008, is one of the longest serving premiers in the world.
German chancellor Angela Merkel, the world's most powerful woman in the Forbes' list, has not only helped Europe's largest economy to thrive but is also the crucial driving force to keep the European Union alive and moving.
Rwanda, once ravaged by genocide, has more females than men in its parliament today.
In many places including Bangladesh, girls regularly outperform boys in academic studies and extracurricular activities.
We have hard-working, dedicated and qualified women in almost every sector. From agriculture to industry, from education to politics, the police and judiciary, women are visible everywhere.
Yet women continue to face abuses and violence everywhere from households to streets, education institutes and workplaces, in the form of domestic abuse, rape, incest, murder, blackmail, polygamy, adultery, family and land disputes, divorce, restrictions on choice, decision making and mobility.
Many men do not consider women worthy of equal rights and dignity, leading to repression and undervaluation of their vital contributions to families, society and the state.
These are the results of a patriarchal societal system ingrained in the psyche of most men, and this mindset is even prevalent in the state machinery, legal system and powerful religious institutions that uphold male preferences and privileges to the cost of women and girls.
A socially conservative mindset
The case of Christian women and their position in the family and society may well explain how a socially conservative mindset dictates how religious institutions regard men's treatment of women.
The Bible teaches us the importance of full equality of men and women, that both man and woman were created in God's image, had a direct relationship with God, and shared jointly the responsibilities of bearing and rearing children and having dominion over the created order. (Gen. 1:26-28).
In reality, if a Catholic woman in Bangladesh wants to walk away from an unhappy and abusive marriage through the church system, it is not just a herculean task but also has the potential for a backlash from the family, society and religious authorities.
Women who face violence and those who raise a voice for their rights are often considered bad women, not only by religious radicals but by many educated and well-bred men.
Abused women keep silent and cases go largely unreported and unaddressed because in most male-dominant societies violence against women is seen as "a correcting tool for bad women" and thus many women prefer not to speak up, fearing that it would reveal "I have done a bad thing".
Sometimes even mothers-in-law and sisters-in-law join in to correct "a bad wife". That means, men and women can be on the same page when it comes to violence against women.
Many girls and women endure rampant abuses and violence but weep silently. Their cry is not only for justice but also for recognition of their rights and roles as well as their pain and suffering.
While education and independence of women can play a role in eradicating such devaluation and abuses, it is not enough. Both men and women must work hard to break down the unholy wall of prejudices about the status of girls and women in households and society.
Men need to start considering women as partners and support forces instead of inferiors. This change of heart is possible if men realize that true development and advancement of society, the state and the world is impossible without ensuring equal rights, opportunities and dignity for women.
Adding to this should be a campaign led by both men and women for a gradual end to widespread and unethical objectification, commercialization and industrialization of women's beauty and sexuality in demeaning roles in modeling, movies, pornography and the commercial sex industry.
Perhaps this is too much to demand for women right now but it should not be off the table for the long run. While raising a voice for women's rights, we cannot forget those women trapped in the vicious circle of a consumerist world that treats them as products or tools for pleasure.
For now, men need to stand up for a gender-friendly environment for women everywhere, starting from their households. This will surely have a snowball effect and gradually change social and state attitudes toward women.
Women also need to play their part. Education and jobs are important for self-reliance, but it is also urgent to be united with groups that truly champion women's rights so that they can get support when they need.
Women should learn to speak up, not to wage a war against men and summarily dismiss them as oppressors but to claim their own rights through dialogue, discussion and mutual understanding.
The world will be a better place when men and women can love and respect each other for who they are, not what gender they have been born to. This can happen when we truly believe women can do great things when they are provided with equal rights and dignity.
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